Resentment and anger

Sometimes I really resent the fact that god made me a lesbian.
My one dream, the one thing I always knew that I wanted to do with my life since I was little was be a mom.
Do you know how much harder the road to becoming a mom is when you're gay?
Do I want to put a child through the persecutions I know they will face because they have 2 mommies?
Or do I put my dream second to the pain a child would feel and instead leave my dream unfulfilled?
It is just so damn unfair. Why couldn't god have made me straight? Given me the easy road? I sometimes wonder if this is some sort of punishment.
At other times I wonder if it is Gods way of preparing me for something bigger.
I feel like I am chasing other dreams, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do in life.
What is my calling to fill this void that giving up my life long dream has left?
And yes, I may still have a baby some day. But will it be mine? Will I get to be pregnant? Will he or she be accepted by my family?
It all just makes me so angry to think about.

I think I need to continue to come to terms with myself before I can get any answers to these questions.
I need to stop hiding in some areas of my life and be fully true to myself.
I think 2012 is the year I need to completely come out. I am sick of this weight on my shoulders. It holds me back from happiness.
I am just still so damn scared of the what ifs.
I pray that God will lead me to do what is right. In his time. And that he will give me peace and strength along the way no matter what may happen.