end of the road

well, i think this blog is coming to the end of the road.
mostly on it i have documented the ups and downs of life with a certain person and that chapter seems to be coming to an end.
my best friend, my second sister, the first person i ever fell in love with, is moving on to a new life that doesnt seem to include me and there is nothing i can do about it.
so with that chapter ending soon, i guess so does this blog.
i am sure i will be back before im done with this totally, but if not, adios!

no strings attached

never knew how well that could work out.
i can have fun (and it is definitely fun) and no one (namely me) ends up hurt!
why the hell have i been so clingy and such an emotional basket case in the past?
what the fuck was my problem?
geeze.
i would get rid of me too.

one night at a time

For the first time ever I can truly say I am 100% ok with this statement.

hmm.

ok, so i know i said in the last post that i am happy, and its true, i am.
but the past few days i have had those feelings again.
those what ifs? and why nots?
it doesnt make me sad though.
i love the time that we spent together, i love the songs that remind me of us, i love who we were and who we are today.
sure, i wish for more, and sure if it were offered again i would jump at the chance.
but i think i would approach it differently.
getting my heart broken twice sucked, but there is just something about her that keeps me coming back.
i dont understand it, dont know that i ever will, and dont know that we will ever have what we had that first summer, but i will never lose those memories.

long time

wow it has been a long time.
boy have things changed.
im happy. work is stressful. (but when is it not?)
school is almost done!
i cant believe in one semester i will be a real adult!
i also cant believe i still have christmas decorations on my blog.
ive been busy else where.
anyways, just checking in here.
i try to avoid the posts on here so i dont get sad, but i also dont want to forget those memories.
best two summers of my life. :)

night time

At night is when I think about us.
When I miss us most. When I wonder what could have been.
Wonder what went wrong. Again.
Blame myself.
Send text messages I probably shouldn't.
I think this is because night was our time.
We were close.
It wasn't about other people. Or work. Or school.
We talked.
We watched tv.
We held each other.
My arms ache for that most nights.
My body longs for the feel of yours next to me.
I can fall asleep on the couch, but my bed feels so empty.
I know I'm still in love with you, though I know you're long over me.
Wish I didn't have these feelings.
They hold me back from being with others.
It's pretty shitty. No other way to describe it.
Even though you've broken my heart before, I would still give it to you whole heartedly and without reserve if you asked.
I wish you still loved me.

Now I sound all emo, so ill go.
Try to put these thoughts put of my head and sleep.

ive got a bad feeling about this

Addiction. It's a tricky little bastard.
Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Perfection. No addiction is good.

theres just no getting over you

Will it ever happen?
Will I ever get over you?
I fully know you don't want the same things I do yet I can't make my heart get over you.
I've tried. In many different ways.
I've tried going out with other people.
I've tried faking it.
I just can't shake my feelings for you.
Some days I don't want to. I think maybe if I hold out long enough it will happen. I feel better thinking you really do feel the same, you're just scared to show it.
I lie to myself a lot.
For some reason, something in me keeps holding on to you and I can't get over it.
Eventually...