stream of consciousness (as mckmama would say...)

I had so much to say earlier and now its mostly all gone.
I have a lot of emotions and thoughts that cloud my head at times, but I was racing out the door and didnt have time to stop and write them all down.

I am still scared. I am still reserved.
It was about this far in last time that things started getting shitty.
So yes, I am still holding a small piece of my heart guarded so that if things go south again thats one less piece I have to pick up.
I want to let go of my fear, give this all I've got, I just cant yet.

"I will show you love like you’ve never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word"

I hope thats true...

Moving on...

Sometimes I resent these sicknesses.
I dont resent her, it is in no way her fault.
But I find myself hating the migraines and the heart problems.
For her sake.
I want her to be able to have a full life and not end up in bed or on the couch in pain every night.
That just isnt fair.
I still feel awful saying that I resent them though.

Im off to work for my mom this weekend and next week again.
But when youve only got $25 to your name for the next 2 weeks you've gotta do something.
So I will go and clean her house and make more than I make working my actual job.
Maybe I should quit and do this full time.
But not really.
I would hate it.

I guess thats all for now.
I should really get back to work.
If this were true MckMama style this would be MUCH longer and I would have a bajillion pictures in it, but I guess I'm just not as cool. Or something...