night time

At night is when I think about us.
When I miss us most. When I wonder what could have been.
Wonder what went wrong. Again.
Blame myself.
Send text messages I probably shouldn't.
I think this is because night was our time.
We were close.
It wasn't about other people. Or work. Or school.
We talked.
We watched tv.
We held each other.
My arms ache for that most nights.
My body longs for the feel of yours next to me.
I can fall asleep on the couch, but my bed feels so empty.
I know I'm still in love with you, though I know you're long over me.
Wish I didn't have these feelings.
They hold me back from being with others.
It's pretty shitty. No other way to describe it.
Even though you've broken my heart before, I would still give it to you whole heartedly and without reserve if you asked.
I wish you still loved me.

Now I sound all emo, so ill go.
Try to put these thoughts put of my head and sleep.

ive got a bad feeling about this

Addiction. It's a tricky little bastard.
Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Perfection. No addiction is good.

theres just no getting over you

Will it ever happen?
Will I ever get over you?
I fully know you don't want the same things I do yet I can't make my heart get over you.
I've tried. In many different ways.
I've tried going out with other people.
I've tried faking it.
I just can't shake my feelings for you.
Some days I don't want to. I think maybe if I hold out long enough it will happen. I feel better thinking you really do feel the same, you're just scared to show it.
I lie to myself a lot.
For some reason, something in me keeps holding on to you and I can't get over it.
Eventually...

funeral

today was the funeral.
i think in every way it was perfect for nana.
we had mass, which honored her strong catholic heritage.
there was a bagpipes player who played danny boy and amazing grace.
all of her children were there (except, of course, Earl, who she is in heaven with even now).
jimmy played the piano which was perfect because she gave him the piano he learned to play on.
there were 3 rosaries in her casket.
we sang.
we cried.
some talked.
perfect.
sad.
still hard to believe she really is gone.

I needed you
You weren't there
I asked
You couldn't come
I cried
And was alone

nana

shes gone.
i cant believe it.
i know i didnt have the closest of relationiships with her, and i made fun of her crazy ways.
but now...shes gone.
no more of her crazy stories.
no more of her old irish songs.
it happened so fast.
i know she was old, but i still didnt expect it.

christmas decorations!

we dont have a TON of christmas decorations up, but i have pictures of the few we do have, so i thought i would share.

here is our tree. no ornaments (yet) but we have mostly ones we made growing up that we will put up eventually...sometime before christmas...lol.

Here are our christmas candles and a cute reindeer. :)

STOCKINGS!!! Lauras, Jones' (our puppy), and mine!

Other Christmas decorations around the house.

Some outdoor decorations. :)

Hope you enjoyed this brief tour of my AZ christmas decorations!