well this sucks...

i am totally in love with her.

but she doesnt feel the same way.

how do you fall out of love?
anyone?
because i need to...

every day i wake up i think today will be different...
then that little blue light lights up my phone, and my heart jumps...and i know it wont be.

i try getting mad at her, i try shutting her out like she does to me, i try getting her mad at me so i can think she is a bitch...none of it has worked.

i want to go back to being just friends like she wants to be, i need that, but i cant figure it out.

peanut

I miss this little guy... But I am so increadibly happy for him, and the little guy he has become.
Congrats Keenan John Angel.

ive come to a realization...

it doesnt really make me feel better.

or worse...

i just have a little more clarity now.

dreams

dreams...

i have been having a lot of them lately.

some are just very off the wall and strange...

but the dreams that are killing me, that i keep having every night, are the ones that i wake up and it breaks my heart all over again when i realize they arent real.

i so wish they were real...